136344

Joke of the Day

"3yo: I don't want a walk Me: Come on, it'll be fun braving the elements [An hour later] 3yo: *Very disappointed* Where are the elephants?"

"When driving: *shakes fist at pedestrians* When walking: *shakes fist at motorists* When running: *shakes fist at the murderer chasing me*"

"I just made up a new word Derpflarp"

"I'm tired of being told to remove my card rapidly. Starting a new ATM for people who wanna remove their card at a more chill pace"

"I can't believe I live in a world where our only defense against a blizzard is buying extra milk."

"Did you hear about the chef that died? He pasta way We cannoli do so much"

"Random number generator Two programmers discuss: - I need a random number generator. Do you have something? - 27"

"Q: What's red and not there? A: No tomatoes."

"There's a lot of pretty woman at spring because during other seasons you appreciate them with your brain."

"Three things in the universe are constant. The speed of light, gravity, and laundry."