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Joke of the Day

"3yo: I don't want a walk Me: Come on, it'll be fun braving the elements [An hour later] 3yo: *Very disappointed* Where are the elephants?"

"Why did the geologist's wife leave him? He took her for granite."

"If you missed any of the most recent presidential debate, you can catch one side of it on any given Facebook friend's page."

"What was the musician doing when he was struck by lightning? He was conducting."

"[getting a massage] Me: I have tension in my lower back. *therapist begins* Me: Lower. Me: Lower. Th: But that's your a- Me: Lower!"

"What's a racist bakers favourite ingredient? WHITE FLOUR!"

"My seven year old grandson made this one up. Why did the guy take his (computer) tablet to the cemetery? Because it was dead."

"I sleep better naked...why can't the flight attendant understand this?"

"My girlfriend told me pissing during sex prevents pregnancy... She was right! She isn't pregnant, just pissed and wet!"

"One out of every four people is suffering from some form of mental illness. Check three friends. If they're OK then it's you."