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Joke of the Day

"He held up my pants and said ""Are you sure these are yours? They look small. You can fit in these??"" Judge: Not guilty. You're free to go."

"What do girls always wear to math class? Alge-Bras!!"

"What's bloody and painful and happens once a month? Flossing"

"Jewish Pun What did Hitler say when the Jews got away? Aushwitz, they got away!"

"I was asking my comedian friend... for some advice on my act. I said ""I made a few cotton picking jokes but nobody found them funny"". He said ""It's simple, you need new material."""

"Judge: You shot him. How do you plead? Me: Bleed? NO. He was the one bleeding Judge: HAHA Me: HAHA *High five? Judge: Ten years with no bail"

"What's the difference between a blowjob and anal sex? One makes your day and the other makes your hole weak."

"My favourite element is helium. I can't speak highly enough of it."

"I'm trying to ignore the subway mariachi band that's ruining my commute, but I should have refused to carpool with them in the first place."

"[police car behind me] Me: shit, was that a red light back there? My dog: like a light grey Me: ... My dog: if that helps"