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Joke of the Day

"I went to a prostitute but she charged way too much and only gave me a handjob I guess you could say I didn't get a good bang for my buck."

"Yo girl, are you a zero APR loan? I don't understand your terms and you keep telling me you have no interest."

"Dear Homework. They might be doing you, But They are always thinking about me. Sincerely FACEBOOK"

"*Sees old 1987 ford mustang and gets in* Lets see if this baby still works *pulls baby out of backpack* *baby cries* Great! *Puts it back*"

"Asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby. Apparently that is not allowed if the baby is yours."

"A woman was masturbating furiously on the subway The police were going to arrest her, but she got off."

"My wife said to me, ""Would you rather have sex with Angelina Jolie or Mila Kunis?"" I said, ""Yes."""

"On my way to Chicago. Anybody need anything? Hot dog? Deep dish pizza? Bull's Jersey? A lock of Oprah's hair?"

"Who was the most famous pirate octopus? Captain Squid!"

"Poop in the sink Shit will solve itself."