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Joke of the Day
"Whoa, calm down, person actually swimming in the swimming pool."
Next Joke
"Dad: Your grandpa used to cut the grass before he died, but now he's- Son: Dad please don't... Dad: Lawn gone."
"[Olympic Swimming] CANADIAN ANNOUNCER: I feel bad for the water look how hard they're kicking it."
"[murder trial] LAWYER: So you unplugged your wife's life support for five minutes? COMPUTER TECH: Sometimes that works."
"How did the Vagina want her eggs cooked? Ovaries-y"
"If you're American before you go in the bathroom and American after you leave the bathroom, what are you while you're in the bathroom? European"
"I was in a gang once. We wore blue, traveled in packs, and ruled our turf with shiny instruments...wait. Band. I was in the marching band."
"You literally misuse the word ""literally"" every time you say it. And I figuratively want to punch you in the face. Literally."
"Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducks."
"""Dad"" said Fred to his father who was a bank robber. ""I need $50 for the school trip tomorrow."" ""OK son"" said his dad ""I'll get you the cash when the bank closes."""