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Joke of the Day

"Stop trying to make small talk with me in an elevator. It's 2013, .... Stare at your phone like a normal person."

"What is Bielefeld's Zip Code? 404"

"There are two rules for success: 1) Never reveal everything you know."

"What does a sheep, a drum, and a snake all say when falling off of a cliff? Baa-Dum-Sss"

"Saw Helena Bonham Carter walking down Wardour Street earlier looking every inch the mystical vagabond. Was tempted to rub her head for luck."

"How does Moses make his tea? He brews it! ;)"

"Are designated drivers only for people who drink?? Coz I've already dropped my keys twice just walking to my car."

"It's confusing for me too, but I don't need your money so you're going to have to be a nice guy if this is going to work out."

"I fired a man named Diarrhea today... His shit wasn't together"

"Where does a dog go when his tail falls off? The retail store"