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Joke of the Day

"Hello everyone this is your pilot speaking. If u look out the windows on your left youll see some fish. This is the worst Ive ever messed up"

"You can lead a horse to water... but you can't make it drink, unless you have someone to hold his head under while you suck at his ass like a straw."

"Which honorary degree is to be awarded to someone who has made contributions to PHP ? Ph.P."

"Did you hear about the two peanuts walking in the bad part of town? One of them got assaulted."

"guy: hey that's a great truck. what kinda engine? me: [rubbing the hood] it's got a truck engine"

"Wife: We're not talking over the radio. This relationship is over. Me: This relationship is what? Over."

"Mystery In an ironic twist, Oscar Pistorious has investigators stumped."

"I don't have Instagram, so I thought you guys should know I had Starbucks this morning. The cup was super cool looking. I also saw a rainbow"

"*hands you a marijuana* ""This one's called Air Bud. It'll make you play basketball. Also it might turn you into a golden retriever."""

"Bob: Who is that? Me:That's Ted, he's the opposite of a hypochondriac.. Ted's arm falls off Ted: Hey guys! Bob: Holy shit! Ted: What, I'm ok"