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Joke of the Day

"How do you make a cat bark? Soak it in lighter fluid, throw a match on it. Woof!"

"Windows 8 is like my ex... Looks good, is nice for touch and play, but terrible for the real work."

"What do you call an amish man with his hand up a horse's ass? A mechanic."

"Whats the hardest thing to eat about a vegetable? The wheel chair"

"Im sorry I yelled ""GARY LIKED STAR WARS EPISODE ONE"" when the pastor asked if anyone knew of a reason why you and Gary shouldn't be married"

"Shipwreck diary, Day 32,567: So, turns out I'm immortal."

"What's Donald Trump's favorite kind of milk? 1%"

"Happy Fourtho de Mayo."

"If you tweet about orthopedic shoes enough, you don't even need to write ""No DMs"" in your bio."

"If it's so good why can't I find a single car wash that carries the Brazilian wax thingy you guys keep tweeting about?"