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Joke of the Day

"Fortune Cookie: You will go on a date with a beautiful woman. She could do so much better."

"What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care!"

"I bring my own pen into the bank because I don't need any god dammed chains telling me where I can and cannot write"

"My wife and I decided not to have kids The kids are taking it pretty hard"

"I just watched one bird chase another bird from tree to tree for five minutes. It was probably over a stolen tweet."

"The light at the end of the tunnel better be a damn computer screen"

"Heard about the Polish Coyote? Chewed three legs off.. and still had one in the trap."

"Leprecauns and gay guys must end up at the same places a lot."

"Grammar died so that Twitter could live."

"Why do Jewish men get circumcised? Because Jewish women can't resist anything 25% off"