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Joke of the Day

"I saw two blokes having a fight... I shouted, ""My money's on the one with the knife!"" You should have seen how fucking fast they both ran off."

"As I was paying for a 15 year old escort I thought... ...I'm getting a really good deal on this car."

"I asked my masseuse if it was unusual to get an erection during a massage... the masseuse replied, ""not at all it happens all the time."" So i said, ""well do you mind keeping it out of my face."""

"Atoms are all liars... They make up everything! Credit to wherever my awesomely lame chemistry teacher finds her corny jokes :)"

"What is Vladimir Putin's favourite subject? Computin science"

"My Korean girlfriend once cooked me a pie made from scratch. I was gutted. I loved that dog. Mark Restuccia"

"Hey girl are your parents retarded? Because you're special."

"How do you tell the difference between a Sunni and a Shiite Muslim? The Sunni's are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them."

"What do you call a fat pedophile? Molesterol"

"What did Charlie Bucket say when Willie Wonka peed on him? I've got a golden tinkle in my eye... "