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Joke of the Day

"""Hello, cops? A man in an apron attacked my hair with scissors!"" ""LOL sir, that was a barber."" ""He was black."" ""We're sending a battleship."""

"Add an exclamation point to an email BOOM you're a morning person."

"Bono is gonna be really pissed off when he finds out he's not Jesus."

"I couldn't find my mustache for a week It was right under my nose the entire time."

"How did Thor's brother get his powers? Just Loki I guess"

"Have you heard what I think of windmills? Big Fan."

"All women say they just want to meet someone with a sense of humor - From what I can tell, Rich guys are fucking hilarious-"

"Operator: 911 Me: My wife is going into labor, what do I do? O: Relax sir, is this her first born? Me: No, this is her husband."

"How often do i make jokes about chemistry? Periodically."

"My dad said I'm likeable. I think of myself more as a lion but whatever."