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Joke of the Day

"""Is your refrigerator running?"" ""Hasn't decided yet,"" I say, winking at my refrigerator & hanging up. A ""FRIDGE 2016"" banner hangs above him"

"Why do black people not go on cruises? They won't fall for that one again."

"The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry's in the oven. I'm going to bed."

"Two detectives are at a crime scene. They locate a briefcase that is vital evidence to the investigation. One of the detectives says to the other ""It's an open-and-shut case""."

"What is ISIS's favorite type of text? Is the answer: A: Heading B: Heading C: Heading"

"My top 3 assumptions when doorbell rings: 1. Murderer 2. Police telling me everyone is dead 3. That book I ordered about positive thinking"

"The next President of the United States. The joke is in the title , but it makes me cry."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter what you call him, he won't be able to come to you."

"""This shirt that the team was wearing smells disgusting. I need to find an appropriate state to name it after."" -Inventor of the jersey"

"WIFE: I just bought toilet paper. How are we out already? ME: *hiding dog that I wrapped up like a mummy* it's a mystery I guess"