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Joke of the Day

"Two detectives are at a crime scene. They locate a briefcase that is vital evidence to the investigation. One of the detectives says to the other ""It's an open-and-shut case""."

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"Age 15: I wanna live in a mansion Age 25: Ok a big house, in a nice neighborhood Age 35: *googles 'Best Months to Live Outside'*"
"Why would Sally sell seashells by the seashore? There are plenty there that are free. Just walk and you are bound to find at least 40. Idiot"
"What do Eskimo's and Ziploc bags have in common? They both like a tight seal."
"A nurse takes a rectal thermometer out of her pocket... She sees it and says, ""Oh dammit, some asshole took my pen."""
"What do you call cheese that's not yours? NACHO CHEESE!"
"How many dead babies do you need to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw them"
"If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, it's because no one else wanted them."
"Why is it called an ""almond"" in the tree but an ""amond"" when it falls to the ground? When it falls to the ground, it knocks the 'ell out of it."
"Is it cocky to have more than one penis? I think it's two cocky."