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Joke of the Day

"What if Stephen Hawking Is the real Slim Shady but he can't stand up"

"I often find myself rewording a long tweet so many times that it completely loses the original subject. This one started off about a cat."

"It's 2014 and somehow we still don't have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are."

"My friend compared me to a singular cloud in an otherwise blue summer sky No one wants me around. Which admittedly is pretty great...I had no idea he thought so highly of me."

"Why did Scotty check all the toilets of the Starship Enterprise? He was looking for the Captain's log."

"I just purchased duct tape at the Dollar Store to fix all of the other shit I bought at the Dollar Store. Life is going exactly as planned."

"A first date is probably the best time to show off your wicked hand puppet skills."

"Science Joke :) Two scientists walk into a bar. Bartender: So what would you two like? Scientist 1: I'll have some H2O. Scientist 2: I'll have some H2O too. (H2O2)"

"And then the doctor says... Now, what did I do with my pen?"

"I hate when people say that I don't like black people I love black people if I could I wold buy myself a few (I'm not a racist in real life though)"