135397

Joke of the Day

"A child is like a blank slate. They make a horrible screeching sound when you drag your nails across their face."

"Was it bad? To yell at my gf if I should dig up hitler to show her how to use an oven"

"Had sex with a condom tonight. Maybe next time it will be with a girl."

"Two Calamari Two calamari walk into a pub. Bartender asks, ""What'll ya have?"" ""We'll have a Hurricane and a Sex On the Beach"" says squid A. Bartender pauses and says, ""That'll be three squid then."""

"What do you call a person who speaks three languages? Trilingual! Two Languages? Bilingual! Only one language? Americans~"

"An englishman a scotsman and an irishman walk into a bar The welshman isn't there because he's still at the euros"

"What did Helen Keller say after being handed a cheese grater? That's the worst book I ever read."

"How long does it take an Ethiopian Women to take a shit? 9 Months."

"Maybe if I took my problems to the gym they'd work themselves out."

"""I'd like two scoops of ice cream, please."" ""Chocolate or vanilla?"" ""Yes."" ""Yes what?"" ""Yes, Sir, ice cream man, Sir!"""