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Joke of the Day

"It's so cold outside... I brushed against a car in the parking lot and accidently keyed it with my nipple."

"""Why is your blow up doll half deflated?"" ""She was getting a little heavy.."""

"I got busted visiting Texas. For trying to smuggle in books. Luckily, I got off on a technicality. No one could prove they were books."

"- much ado about nothing - 2 much 2 nothing - much ado 3: toyko drift - much nothing - much 5 - much ado 6 - nothing 7"

"A woman was looking in the mirror... And she says to her husband ""I look fat. Give me a compliment."" The husband replies "" Your vision is perfect."""

"[At a child's birthday party, holding a poorly taxidermied possum] I heard someone likes stuffed animals!"

"What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Oh sheet!!"

"If I wanted a president, who had never touched a vagina... ...I would've voted Jeb!"

"OCTOPUS: *places tentacle on Bible* JUDGE: Do u swear to tell the truth? O: Yes BAILIFF: *spends like 8 minutes trying to get Bible unstuck*"

"Who is the world s worst golfer? Hitler"