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Joke of the Day

"I got arrested for plugging my phone into my portable power pack I'm being charged with battery"

"I live in a hutch filled with vibrating cedar chips"

"What rock group has 4 men that do not sing? Mt. Rushmore"

"What is the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver? The drunk driver passes a stop sign, the stoner waits for it to turn green."

"Why did the chemist break his teeth? He ate a Pb and j sandwich I'd tell you another but all the good jokes argon"

"""I'm so self-conscious"" ""I'm a very private person"" ""I'm the shyest person I know"" *posts 43 selfies a week* - girls on Instagram"

"I've been drinking my urine for years, but NASA still refuses to let me be an astronaut. ""There's more to it than that"" they say. Whatever."

"So a hydraulic jack walks into his family reunion. . . and says look at all these Pump kins!"

"Trump keeps talking about restoring ""law and order."" I dunno about you, but I'd rather vote for a candidate who wants to restore Firefly."

"Q. What do you call a blonde who dies her hair brown? A. Artificial intelligence."