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Joke of the Day

"So a hydraulic jack walks into his family reunion. . . and says look at all these Pump kins!"

"I don't think it's correct to call them grammar Nazis anymore... They seem to prefer the label ""alt-write"" nowadays."

"My teacher touched me Seriously, his lecture was fantastic"

"Why did ranch break up with chicken wings? Because he blue cheese..."

"Sometimes when my dogs piss me off I put their leashes on them, then I sit on the toilet for 20 mins and make them watch."

"What happens when Kim Jong-un gets sick? He turns into Kim Jong-ill!"

"Just recorded the baby crying so I can play it back to him while he tries to sleep later to see how he likes it..."

"My wife took me to the best 3D movie I had ever seen last night. Half way through it I realized: we were at a play."

"Why is six afraid of seven? Cause seven said, ""I'm gonna stab you, bitch!"""

"My girlfriend thought she caught me cheating on her... I was like, ""No baby, I ain't cheating on you, that's just my wife!"""