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Joke of the Day

"Why did David Schwimmer need ear drops? He had Schwimmer's ear."

"What's the difference between a knife, and an argument with a female? A knife has a point..."

"A double amputee has escaped from the mental asylum I wouldn't worry too much, he's armless."

"What do you call a frog that's parked illegally? Toad."

"A woman met a guy at a bar... ...and asked him what he did for a living. ""I'm a jockey,"" he said. ""But I thought jockeys had to be small,"" she said. ""You're average-sized."" ""This is my day off."""

"Growing up in poverty, my mom was a lot like my anti-depressants... Neither of them really worked."

"I'm not saying it is your fault, I said I'm blaming you."

"A gift card that only allows the user to purchase more gift cards until they finally go insane."

"You know that feeling you get when you meet someone and your heart skips a beat? Ya, that's arrhythmia. You can die from that."

"There was once a cat on Mars But Curiosity killed the cat"