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Joke of the Day

"The waiter came up to our table. He said, ""Can I take your order?"" I said, ""Sure."" He said, ""Thanks, I'm just really hungry."""

"They say you should never run when you stumble across a lion in the wild. I don't think I'll be able to run with all the shit in my pants."

"""The club can't even handle me right now."" What, like structurally? Should we call an engineer? Evacuate? Advise."

"Here is one of my favorite Iranian jokes translated to english, for all of you to enjoy Go Fuck Yourself"

"Remember, it's not a real paleo diet unless you're eating mammoth every day."

"Kanye said he is an intellectual who doesn't read books. Which I get because I am an athlete that rarely moves."

"If I was in StarWars I would probably just be that guy that keeps turning his lightsaber on and off and on and off like a pen."

"Sequencing. What's the key to a good joke?"

"Helped my son flush his betta fish today. He asked ""Dad, does God love bettas?"" & I said ""Dunno, son, ask him after we flush you."""

"I say waiter there's a fly in my soup! Well throw him a doughnut - they make fantastic life belts!"