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Joke of the Day

"If you love someone: 1. Set them free 2. Drunk dial them 3. Read too much into their FB posts 4. Make them feel sorry for you 5. Die alone"

"What do you say when a corrupt Soviet takes a bathroom break right before war? Now you're just Stallin."

"A group of ventriloquists was murdered yesterday. Their screams were heard a mile away."

"What's better than roses on a piano... Tulips on an organ. Let me know if you get it. I'm not gonna lie it took me a couple minutes when a co-worker told me this. Creds: J-mans old man."

"Life is like photography, we develop from the negatives."

"What do you call an experienced Nazi doctor who treats animals? A veteran Aryan"

"Headphone....... A man was on a plane when a stewardess approached him and said, ""Would you like some headphones?"" To which the man replied, ""Yes I would, but how did you know my name was Phones?"""

"What does Bruce Lee drink when he's thirsty? Wa-TAH!"

"Why was the Hay Robber's prison sentence cut short? He got out on bale."

"I walked into the boss's office and handed him a pear. ""What's this for?"" He asked. ""A pay rise."" I replied. ""My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you."""