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Joke of the Day

"Why is it easier to pick a prime minister than any other leader? Because there's only 2 factors involved."

"Password: 1 upper case letter, 1 lower case letter, 1 stair case, 1 briefcase, 1 in case of emergency, 2 cases of beer, and 1 quesadilla."

"son: hey dad me: [picks up phone, dials 9] yes son: now don't get mad me: [dials 1] ok son: do we have a fire extinguisher me: [dials 1]"

"Everyone has that psycho ex we pray we'll never run into again. If you don't you're probably it."

"If mobile wallets do away with credit cards, they'll need to come up with an app that can scrape my windshield."

"My stepladder is so great, I'm almost glad my ladders got divorced."

"[1st day in Senate] Me: I'm against genetic engineering Scientist: We've developed kids w/ volume knobs Me: How much funding do you need"

"I just drilled a bunch of holes It was a lot of boring work."

"To support all you Movember guys, I'm not shaving my legs this month. To be honest, I probably won't shave in Mecember or Manuary either."

"What do you call a snail in the sea? A snailor."