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Joke of the Day

"son: hey dad me: [picks up phone, dials 9] yes son: now don't get mad me: [dials 1] ok son: do we have a fire extinguisher me: [dials 1]"

"Want to hear a joke about testicles? Today's your lucky day, because I've got two!"

"Whats the difference between a hippie on fire and a lifetime supply of patchouli? I don't wish for a lifetime supply every time I smell patchouli."

"I hate when I miss the garbage truck and just have to throw trash in the neighbors hot tub again"

"The first time I took a Viagra it got stuck in my throat I had a stiff neck for 2 days"

"What is it with people who text and drive? I swear to god the next time I see this happen, I'll roll down my window and throw my beer at them."

"How many dead hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Cause it's definitely not 4. My basement is still dark & I'm running out of room."

"Why does a cucumber has a lot of seed? He has no hands."

"What's the difference between a dead baby and my ex-girlfriend? There isn't one..."

"A girl asked me if I would like to see her pussy... ...and then she showed me her cat!"