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Joke of the Day

"If mobile wallets do away with credit cards, they'll need to come up with an app that can scrape my windshield."

"ALCOHOL: The nighttime laughing, slurring, blurring, shouting, pounding head, confidence, so you can turnt shit up medicine."

"On a scale of 1 to Canadian bacon, how sad were you when you found out Hamlet wasn't a story about a tiny, baby ham?"

"The Dark Knight Rises.....a porn title that requires no alterations."

"BRUCE JENNER CHANGE OVER WHEN BRUCE JENNER FINISHES HIS CHANGE OVER IN BECOMING A WOMAN, OUT OF CURIOSITY (WINK WINK) I'D LIKE TO SEE HOW BIG HIS ASS IS GOING TO BE"

"English version of Breaking bad in progress It will last one season with only one episode where Walt will be diagnosed with Cancer but will get treated by NHS and wil end up living on benefits."

"If you call & I don't answer, I'm not dead, I'm napping. - Things I have to say to my mom"

"I can't believe it's Christmas eve eve eve and they're making me work."

"Happy Mother's Day Reddit! What did you get your mom?"

"""Children can be very cruel,"" I reassure my 6 year-old. ""But sometimes it seems like you aren't even trying."""