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Joke of the Day

"Not sure if you're a pretentious douchebag? Do you buy honey in a plastic flip-top bear? No? Pretentious douchebag."

"How do you keep an idiot in suspense? I'll post the answer in the comments."

"I SCREAM YOU SCREAM WE ALL SCREAM BECAUSE MY WIFE IS DRIVING WITHOUT HER GLASSES ON AGAIN!!"

"Why are high school girls only 13, 15, or 17? Because OMG, they like LITERALLY can't even."

"What do Mexicans use with the Wii-U? Amiigo"

"If it wasn't for the 140 character limit, I'd be on Chapter 27 of my first tweet right now."

"When you're on a diet everything smells like cookies. Except the guy beside me on the city bus. He smells like sardines Delicious sardines"

"I think what I despise the most about blind people is knowing they'll get rid of that dog as soon as they start to see."

"There are two secrets in life The first is ""Never tell anyone everything you know"""

"Sean Connery doing a knock knock joke (X-post from /shubreddit) Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes Sean Connery"