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Joke of the Day

"Pro tip: ""Hold my drink"" is not a proper response to ""License and registration, please."" ...... apparently."

"Every man has two heads... One holds the brain, and the other makes all the decisions."

"On talk shows, whenever the celebrity guest takes a casual sip from their branded mug, I like to imagine it's full of blood"

"When to leave your girlfriend? When your wife's clothes start to fit her."

"50 cent filed for bankruptcy... That makes no cents."

"*two minor inconveniences happen at the same time* me: *needs to lie down for 3 days*"

"People believed in Jim Jones but... Sadly, he switched to KoolAid and lost a lot of followers."

"I'm not really a 'walk of shame' kind of girl. Im more of a 'put it back in my nightstand drawer when I'm finished & roll over' kind of girl"

"A girl walks to his boyfriend and says.... I have some good news and some bad news, and I'm gonna tell you both at the same time. Amongst all your friends, you have the biggest dick."

"I just did my budget for August. If I don't buy food ... I won't need toilet paper. I think I'm on to something here."