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Joke of the Day

"My wife is breaking up with me because of my masturbation addiction... Boy do I feel like a big jerk."

"""Mom, I'm here to make your boobs big."" - smiling 3 yr old comes out of garage with a bike pump."

"Every 15 minutes, a woman gets run over. She's starting to get pissed."

"What do men and slurpees have in common? If you don't suck them fast enough they lose their shape."

"I told my husband that instead of leaving his dirty dishes on the counter, he should leave them in 1952 so a nice housewife cleans them up."

"No Oscar Nominations For People of Color.... Jada Pinkett Smith complained there were no people of color nominated for this year's Oscar awards. Perhaps they've been black listed?"

"A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar. He orders a drink."

"*Picks up extra virgin olive oil. *smirks* ""Not for long my friend. Not for long."""

"Twitter is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in."

"What's the the key to telling an ISIS joke? The execution."