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Joke of the Day

"My son fed half of the petting zoo. That was the best way to dispose of the body."

"Why was the farmer hopping mad ? Because someone had trodden on his corn !"

"A lawyer with insomnia consulted her doctor. ""Which side is it best to lie on?"" she asked. ""The side that pays your fee"" replied the doctor."

"Why didn't the American get the burger? ...because the heart attack got him first."

"Where does geography and geography meet? The Bermuda Triangle."

"Silly Billy went in a library and said, "" I would like to have a pizza."" Librarian - "" Sir, this is a library."" Billy goes near his ear and whispers - "" I would like to have a pizza."""

"Have you heard of the John Denver omelet? It's just like a regular Denver omelet, but it's served upside down in seawater."

"me: wanna see my cat's shed? friend: lots of cats shed. why would-- [my cat enters wearing a tool belt] cat: show him the gazebo, too"

"I can fake my way through most conversations with my kids if I just look up from my phone every time they stop talking and say ""no."""

"A governor is being inaugurated and there are snipers on buildings and based on my work in video games I'm offended I wasn't asked to help."