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Joke of the Day

"Why do chicken coops only have two doors? (x-post from /r/adviceanimals) Because if they had four doors it would be a chicken sedan!"

"How do dolphins send messages? By sea-mail."

"What is the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a handsomely dressed man on a unicycle? Attire"

"I'm glad the Founding Fathers aren't alive today because the last thing we need are more old people driving around on the roads."

"My ex asked me why I never payed attention to her I told her to repeat that again, the TV was distracting me."

"I haven't had anything to eat all year. It's 12:01 January 1st where I am"

"Sees cute guy in the parking. Drops something so I can bend over & do the sexy hair flip. Forgets I have short hair. He sees me as seizing."

"*armadillo comes rolling back in the ball return* ""Wait.. if you're here, then..."" *cut to wife sobbing at bowling ball* ""UNCURL, FREDRICK!"""

"Girl, are you E=mc 2? Because I do not have the energy to figure out what is the matter with you."

"the only dates i get Are the system software updates to my xbox. Play station. PC. Phone..."