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Joke of the Day

"ME: 3 Big Macs please. lol it's my cheat day CLERK: you ordered the same thing yesterday ME:[leans in] why don't u mind your own gd business"

"Canada is not a vast empty woodland. Our monetary system proves our civility. 5 beavers is worth a caribou 4 caribous are worth a loon And 2 loons are worth a polar bear."

"My friend, who is a landscaper, was cheating on his wife and I told him to stop. He replied, ""it's hard man.. I got to much love for the hoes"""

"The day Adele decides to crowd surf is the day we learn who her real fans are"

"How do furries have sex? Fur-nication!"

"Why are black people so good at running? Because when they here the gun go off they start runnin."

"[hears wife approaching while I read son bedtime story] the prince hugged the dragon..[hears wife walk away] ok, basically a retweet is whe"

"TIFU by rubbing yeast infection cream on my face whoops wrong scrub"

"Kids got jokes"

"Are you cold? (Yes) Then go sit in a corner, cause it's 90 degrees."