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Joke of the Day

"Everyone makes fun of Aquaman, but he's got it all figured out. He spends all day chilling in the water. His life is one big pool party."

"What's a machinists favorite song? Turn Down for What!"

"I apologize for pinching your lips closed when you started telling me about your kids"

"Lifes a bitch Grab it by the pussy"

"What's Big, White and If It falls out of a tree it will kill you? A Fridge"

"Why can't you fool an aborted baby? Because it wasn't born yesterday."

"Here's a tip: When making sad face emoticons, use :( If you use ): that means your mouth fell off and a frisbee is lodged in your forehead"

"Cowboy: Give me 3 packets of condoms please. Cashier: Do you need a paper bag with that sir? Cowboy: Nah... She ain't that ugly."

"I've started 2016 with a goal of losing 20 pounds... Seems like I've lost more, my ATM is empty"

"*do a little dance* *make a little love* *get kicked out of this funeral*"