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Joke of the Day

"My wife got very upset at the funeral the other day, wailing and thumping the coffin with her fists And Jeeeeez, you should've heard her when she went in the furnace."

"What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing... they're both stuck up bitches."

"Why did the hypothalamus want to join a band? Because it had great circadian rhythms."

"I hate being happy because it makes my tweets suck."

"Twitter should give you 5,000 followers when you start and then you have to try and lose them."

"On The Topic Of Relationships Today, a feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships. Apparently ""in HD"" was not the right answer."

"You guys know I'm not one to brag, but my cooking is ""to die from."""

"3 mods walk into a bar [deleted]"

"Another ""Iron Man"" Joke Iron Man is a superhero. Iron Woman is a command."

"Everyone has a best friend who's mom they've wanted to fuck I like to think of my older brother as my best friend"