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Joke of the Day

"My wife just said to me that i'm a Pedophile and it is wrong -Pedophile? That's an awfully big word for a 12 year old."

"Hi. My name is Bill Gates and today, I will be teaching you how to count to ten: 1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10"

"If you want to surrender, what do you do? Become french"

"Me: But God, where did the second set of footprints go? God: That's when you were dating that psycho. I wasn't sticking around for that."

"What do you call a jewish man? By his name"

"Apparently Facebook has been flying drones around in third world countries They are trying to kill everyone who isn't on facebook"

"Being iced in for 2 days gave me the opportunity to get so much housework done! I didn't do any of it. But I certainly had the opportunity."

"What do you call a turtle that sends pictures to everyone? a Snapping Turtle"

"If I give you breakfast in bed just say ""thanks"" Not ""who are you"" and ""how did you get in here"""

"I like my coffee like I like my presidents. Not orange"