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Joke of the Day

"Apparently Facebook has been flying drones around in third world countries They are trying to kill everyone who isn't on facebook"

"Mother: What do you mean the school must be haunted ? Daughter: Well the principal kept going on about the school spirit."

"Do you have FB? No Do you have Twitter? No Instagram? No What do you have? A life. ... ... Can I have it? No. I need it to play Candy Crush."

"What did the Titanic say to the iceberg? ""Okay, but just the tip."""

"It's a good thing the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles wore masks, or people might have recognized the 4 giant turtles at their day jobs."

"What do porn stars and prostitutes say when they wake up in the morning? Time to suck today's dick!"

"Whats the most common breakfast in Africa? Ebola cereal!"

"[creepy mansion] ME: That portrait is watching us MAN: No way ME: [goes right up to portrait] I'm vegan PORTRAIT: [rolls eyes] ME: I knew it"

"A pharmaceutical company in Canada is offering $47 billion to buy the company that makes Botox. People at Botox were pretty excited I mean, you should've seen the look that wasn't on their faces."

"Can you guess what the pirate's favorite drink is? *Hint: named after a Captain...* Black beer, duh"