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Joke of the Day

"Q: Where do people who say ""shoot"" and ""darn"" go to? A: Heck"

"Did you hear about the new $5 million dollar Kentucky State Lottery? The winner gets $5 for a million years."

"100% of car accidents happen within exactly five miles of something. If you're within five miles of anything right now, move."

"Important Work Of 21st Century... The 21st century: Where Deleting history is more important than making it."

"For a guy that could change water into wine, I'm surprised Jesus only got hammered once."

"Liar is such a harsh term, I prefer Politician"

"What's blue and doesn't fit? A dead epileptic."

"What's the difference between your job and your wife? Your job fucking sucks"

"Women are a lot like heroin. At first you're like, ""Oh geez, this is fun"" then eventually you die."

"the only dates i get Are the system software updates to my xbox. Play station. PC. Phone..."