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Joke of the Day

"My Diaper Genie grants wishes, as long as you wish for a 40 pound bag of baby shit every week."

"Guy asked if I put him in the friend zone. I was like, whoa slow down there. I'll have sex with you, but friendship is a serious commitment."

"""I'll put this somewhere I won't lose it."" (I'll hide it somewhere I'll never see it again.)"

"Joke stolen from West Wing Why do they eat only one egg at breakfast in France? Because one egg is *un uf*."

"Black people, want to piss white people off? Open a restaurant. And don't serve coffee or brunch."

"Saw a guy smoking while pumping gas & at first glance thought 'wow that's not safe' & at second glance thought 'wow that guy's on fire'"

"What's the difference between a cow and 9/11? It's easy to make the same joke about 9/11."

"How do you feel about perfumes being designed by computers? Because I think it makes perfect scents."

"I'm trying to give up ice cream. It's been a rocky road."

"Tumblr is like junk food They're both filled with trans fat."