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Joke of the Day

"After incorrectly spelling my symptoms at least 100 times, WebMD kicked back ""Listen idiot, you're drunk. Just go lay down"""

"Knock Knock Knock, Knock. Who's there? Horton. Horton, who? Horton Hears A Who."

"*tip toes out front door* *wife texts me from China* ""Where you going?"""

"How can you tell if a hippie has been at your house? He's still there."

"i went to a wedding for two antennae The ceremony was pretty bad, but the reception was amazing"

"When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle."

"I'd read books on my iPad but it has movies and those work better with my stupid."

"[Fixed] What do you get when you put human DNA in a goat? ISIS"

"What is the difference between the substance inside a fire hydrant and the substance on the outside of it? H20 is on the inside, and K9P is on the outside."

"Q: How do you say ""take a shit"" in Japanese? A: Shit-take Q: How do you say ""took a shit"" in Japanese? A: Shit-take-mashita"