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Joke of the Day

"""Are you the ghost of Christmas past?"" - what I ask a person with a flip phone."

"How do Canadians take care of their skin? Maybe it's maple leaf."

"I just made this one up: What kind of Internet creep can swim the fastest? A TOR pedo."

"Why does Ed Miliband like advent calendars? Because it's his only chance to open the door to Number 10!"

"*strips off clothes, stands on desolate highway holding sign saying ""Last Naked Guy For 75 Miles"""

"Nothing beats a pretty girl with a beautiful singing voice except for Chris Brown"

"It's so cold outside... I even saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!"

"I got free pancakes on International Pancake Day. International Women's Day is now almost over and I think I like pancake day better."

"Two gay men are having sex when a fire breaks out in their apartment. Who gets out first, the top or the bottom? The bottom-- he already has his shit packed."

"Fine! I do actually believe in a higher being.. His name is Jonathan and he's about 5 inches higher than me. That bastard."