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Joke of the Day

"Kids are fun to be around. Then they start kicking, screaming, drooling, crying, fighting and then you're just grateful they're not yours."

"Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body, He's all right now."

"Ever have sex while camping? It's fucking intents"

"I told a deer joke once. It was very fawny."

"Operator: 911, what's your emergency. Me: I'm 33 and I tried to do a cartwheel."

"Tornado warnings outside. Good thing I got drunk enough to fight a tornado or else we'd be screwed."

"""It wasn't always easy growing up. Sometimes we had to wait .04 seconds for 9 million Google results to load."" - 2044 Presidential candidate"

"I'm the Nokia phone in a room full of iphones"

"The minus sign tried to explain to the plus sign how multiplication works, ... ... but he only understood sum of it."

"There are two things I hate in every politician: their face."