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Joke of the Day

"All my friends are getting jobs, engaged, or married. I'm just getting more awesome."

"A hot babe said we could have sex if monkeys fly out of her ass, so tonight I meet with a zoologist, proctologist and some guy from NASA."

"My GF bragged about the cat sleeping next to her I told her ""Yes, he seems to be attracted to the overwhelming aroma of fish"""

"Hey guys, does anyone have an averagely long horror story that just ends in a pun? Any comments appreciated!"

"Why was the little drop of ink so sad? Because his father was in the pen, and he didn't know how long the sentence was!"

"How do you impregnate an African woman? jerk off on her feet then let the flies do the rest."

"What do you call a really cheesy thought? A quesaIDEA."

"I'm actually not sure if the Wife decorated the tree really well or she just created the best Lady Gaga outfit in history"

"What do you call a girl whose profile pictures are only facial close ups? Fat."

"""I sound nothing like that when I cry."" -doves"