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Joke of the Day
"How do you stop a dog howling in the back of a car? Put him in the front."
Next Joke
"The inventor of AutoCorrect... ...is a stupid mass hole. He can fake right off."
"Nurse: Your name, please? Me: Dr. Feelgood. Nurse: ... Me: ... Nurse: You're not a Dr. are you? Me: No, I won't make you feel good, either."
"I read you can have a stroke without displaying any symptoms and I was like ""holy shit, I'm definitely not displaying any symptoms!"""
"What is taller when it sits down than when it stands up? A dog."
"I tried dating a stenographer but she wasn't my type"
"It makes sense to buy Automatic Cars, because they cost an arm and a leg."
"Cop failed me on the sobriety test even tho I not only touched my nose like he asked but went on & totally nailed the rest of the macarena."
"I just had a baby! It was delicious."
"Somehow it's reassuring knowing I'm not the only one pretending to be normal."