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Joke of the Day

"Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones."

"What's the difference between a thug and a pirate's dad? One's poppin' caps, and the other's cap'n pops!"

"You ever seen a really beautiful woman that you wanna go talk to? But then you think she's gonna freak out when you walk out of her closet?"

"You know what I'd say to the victims of the Russia-Ukraine conflict? Crimea River"

"What do you call the 72 virgins that Allah gave isis? Goats"

"I bet you are a Taurus... because you are a fat cow."

"Sometimes I walk up to a plant and exhale carbon dioxide all over it. Did I save its life? Maybe. Am I a hero? That's for history to decide."

"Q: Why are brunettes so proud of their hair? A: It matches their mustaches."

"Why can't I get mobile reception in my house, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afghanistan?"

"When I was your age... When I was your age, before the Internet, there was none of this e-bola. We just had plain bola. And you know what? We were thankful."