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Joke of the Day

"*Sits straight up in bed* ""THE CHILDREN"" *Kids are sitting in the produce department while two watermelons sleep peacefully in their beds*"

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"Weighing elephants is .. A large scale problem."
"In Pokemon, I never understood why bug types were supereffective against dark types. But then I thought about malaria in Africa and it all made sense."
"I was just knocked off my bike by a stationary truck. The driver gave me a couple of sketch pads and some really cool pens to apologise."
"Is it gay in here or is it just Glee?"
"Kidnapping Catnapping keeps you well rested, kidnapping gets you arrested."
"Yesterday my dad told me if he saw me on the computer latenight again... He would smash my head into my keyHDJbdvxhjJDKLXUXBgshdjcmcnGxcNdnckcoNcbcjxndbcjcjkxndJdhhshdbdn"
"They say 'No news is good news,' but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy."
"Girls like guys who take charge: ask her out, plan a date, take a hostage, overthrow a government, nuke her ex's hometown, buy her a puppy."
"Go to bed barstool. You're drunk"
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