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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a stock broker having sex in the middle of his work? Insid'er trading. http://i.imgur.com/oTp4lvG.gif"

"I had a cough like that once... I didn't kick the bucket, I was just a little pail!"

"What's the worst prank you can play on a blind person? Leave the plunger in the toilet"

"You know you where drunk last night when you realise you cooked your pizza for 200 minutes at 18 degrees"

"My hobbies are scrolling through twitter, charging my phone and being generally dissatisfied with things."

"Coffee: you haven't had enough until you can thread a sewing machine needle while it's running."

"I went to a gay bar. As I sat down to order a drink, I went to a gay bar. As I sat down to order a drink, a kind gentleman approached and offered to push my stool in."

"HANDJOBS are a touchy subject."

"Him: You'll always be the one that got away. Me: Escaped. Him: What? Me: I said Thanks."

"If Europe uses euros shouldn't Africa use Afros?"