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Joke of the Day

"My hobbies are scrolling through twitter, charging my phone and being generally dissatisfied with things."

"New gym is great. Free robe service. They shaved the top of my head? Gardening, masonry. Chanting. Swore an oath and live at the gym now."

"Just tested the structural integrity of a door frame with my face. It's pretty solid."

"Hear about the kidnapping at school? Don't worry he woke up"

"Phone Women are like IPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond! Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!"

"What does Tickle Me Elmo get before he leaves the factory? Two test-tickles"

"What do you say to a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already had to tell her twice."

"What do you call someone who keeps trying to catch your interest even though you already said you're not interested several times? Windows 10."

"Why can't people with ocd go poop? Because they're anal retentive!"

"People that can't walk are so lame"