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Joke of the Day

"And Jesus said unto Peter, ""Come forth and you shall receive eternal glory"" But Peter came fifth, and won only a toaster."

"Did you hear about the bear that fell into water and disappeared? He was polar."

"Jesus and his disciples walk into a restaurant. Jesus: A table for 26, please. Headwaiter: But there's only . . . um, 13 of you. Jesus: Yeah, we're all going to sit on the same side."

"I am one of the best fortune tellers in the world. My predictions are accurate 99.9999% of the time. I can predict your future fortune right now. You won't be winning the lottery anytime soon."

"A knock knock joke from Westeros Knock knock Who's there? Hodor. Hodor who? ...Hodor"

"German Girlfriend My german girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale of 1-10. Last night we tried anal. She kept yelling 9. That's the best I've ever done."

"TRUMP: Let's get that Muslim Band going ""Band? We thought you said ban"" TRUMP: No way, that's harsh. Also, how's that Mexican mall coming?"

"Charlie Sheen's real name is Carlos Irwin Estevez. Related: Everything you think you know is a lie."

"INTERVIEWER: Why do you want to work here? ME: *crumbs tumbling from my mouth* Oh, I don't. I was just walking by and saw you had donuts."

"Learning about frequency is so boring ... It literally Hertz."