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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the bear that fell into water and disappeared? He was polar."

"What do you call an Abortion in Prague? A canceled Czech."

"I was making a recipe that called for tapioca flour, but we were all out. Thankfully, my wife figured out I could substitute corn starch. Clabber girl."

"Relationships are like onions They seem harmless on the outside but once you get into it you'll cry."

"Bad news: pulled a muscle. Good news: implied presence of muscle ..."

"Next year is going to be directed by Hideaki Anno... It'll be 2015+1"

"My Girlfriend My girlfriend is an epidimiologist and I'm a stand-up comedian so that means I have a lot of chores I have to go do. Later."

"Whether Trump or Hillary becomes president, I won't be living in the USA afterwards From someone currently living in Europe with no plans of leaving because of being a student."

"The last time Twitter was down I realized it didn't take 6 hours to poop."

"I wonder if this whole Ebola thing is going to go viral Thoughts?"