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Joke of the Day

"- Doctor, kiss me! - I can't. We, the doctors, follow a very strict work ethic that does not allow us to kiss our patients. Honestly speaking, I should have never even fucked you in the first place!"

"The best part of being single is being able to sleep around... You get to sleep all over your bed. Left, right, diagonal, or in the middle."

"So, would you ever tell anybody if you woke naked in the middle of the woods, hung over with a sore ass? Wanna go camping?"

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank coffee before it was cool"

"Picking up women in bars is like picking up Avocadoes in a supermarket... You have no idea how damaged they are until you get them home."

"What do you call a near-empty bag of cereal? Luckily Charms"

"Our culture is like a fungus. It's fucking disgusting but it grows on you."

"How do you get a philosopher off your porch? Pay him for the pizza."

"What's the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day? Everyone wants to be Irish on Saint Patrick's Day."

"I hung out with a mushroom today. What a fungi."