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Joke of the Day

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank coffee before it was cool"

"I'm getting an MRI tomorrow... to find out whether or not I'm claustrophobic."

"My dad told me his New Years resolution was to embrace his mistakes. He hugged my sister and I :("

"Did you hear about the psychic dwarf who escaped from prison? No? Be careful, there's a small medium at large."

"Time out. Otters not only sleep holding hands, but have a SPECIAL POCKET to hold their favorite rock? Humans are bullshit."

"I asked the waitress if she wanted a good tip and a quickie. She said: Just the tip."

"Arnold's is long and hard.. The president's is very short, Madonna doesn't have one, and the Pope has one, but he doesn't use it."

"Whats black and thin and all over my private parts? Dead African Children"

"if a picture's worth a thousand words, the people posting photos on twitter are going over by 860 characters"

"Did you hear they're republishing that Simple Mathematics study guide? It's the revised edition. (Revise Addition)"