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Joke of the Day

"What's a pirate's favorite digital image format? tARRRRRGa"

"[1st date] You're gonna love this place *pushes you out the passenger side door and drives away"

"I hit a Milestone today and now my fist really hurts."

"What's the difference between the number 3 and David Cameron? One's a prime number, the other's a prime minister."

"What has 4308 eyes, 28957 legs, and 398503 teeth? I don't know, but if you see it, RUN!"

"Remember, people only rain on your parade because they're jealous of your sun & tired of their shade."

"I put winks at the end of texts to add a confusing air of creepy. ""Making breakfast. ;)"" ""Walking the dog. ;)"" ""Broke in to your house ;)"""

"Jehovah's Witnesses are like testicles They come in pairs, one is always bigger than the other, they keep knocking on the door but never get in, and if they do, shits about to get freaky."

"Why do new Irish mothers keep dying? Because they lack taters"

"What does a slave driver do with his slaves when he's bored? He racism."