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Joke of the Day

"What do Grammar Nazis support? The Third Write"

"I think the professor wants us to skip most of this essay Or maybe I'm just jumping to a conclusion."

"What is orange and sounds like a carrot A carrot"

"Why don't I enjoy certain middle eastern food? Because it just makes me falafel."

"""Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."" ""Oh my god honey, what happened?"" ""I reposted the same goddamn joke too many times."""

"A man dressed as a harry potter character came up to me and told me he was a zombie. I thought he was kidding, but he was Dead Sirius."

"It's bad enough I have to worry about people when I leave my house now I have to contend with Pokemon as well"

"What do you call it when Bob Dylan sucks your dick in a hurricane? The answer my friend... is blowing in the wind. The answer is blowing in the wind."

"I smiled today. I'm going to be so sore tomorrow!"

"*Hello this is your pilot speaking, we still have about 9 hours in the air so let me entertain you folks reading you some of my tweets*"